An Analysis of "Make the Good choice on Thursday"

Good evening my fellow classmates,

If you have not yet read “Make the Good choice on Thursday,” then please do so before proceeding to my analysis of it.  For those of you who have already read Jared's piece, let’s take another look at it and see what we learn about him.

Good afternoon my fellow classmates,

I would just like to take this opportunity to thank you for giving me the chance to prove myself as your enlightened leader. I (I believe he means “if” here.) there are some of you who don't know me, and that is okay. I know there are some (Does he mean to have the word “of” here?) you who may not even like me, and that too is okay. I just want to take this opportunity (“I just want to” #1) now to extend out the hand of friendship to all who wish to know me more. With your support I promise to do everything in my power to make sure there is no final exam for seniors (He fails to clarify that “everything in his power” concerning our final is equivalent to “nothing.”). You may ask yourself, (The following should be in quotation marks:)I didn't think there was a final exam, to that I say you're welcome. I have been working hard  over the Summer (CaPiTALizatION is FUN!!!) to make sure there would be no final exam, and it is with my valiant efforts that I got  the final exam  taken out of the syllabus. The final exam that was going to be given in addition  to the paper (This would be a complete sentence if he left out the word “that.”). I just want to (#2) say that with your vote, I will continue to work for you for as long as I am in power. I will continue to pursue other endeavors that will continue to benefit you guys. I just want to (#3 - What about what we want?) caution you that if I don't get elected, I will lose all my power to help you guys (Thinly veiled threats will not keep the electorate from choosing the best candidate, Jared.). Thus, forcing you to bend to the whims of some other ruler who may not even care if you all get an A in this class (Finishing strong with another incomplete sentence).

I care, I want everyone to get an A, and I want you all to be successful. The power is in your hands and it is up to you to make the Good (Really?) decision on Thursday.

Sincerely,

Jared Good

Guardian of (S)tudents,

Protector of (G)rades,

Defender of (J)ustice,

and Vanquisher of (F)inal

Jared hoped that we would learn more about him from this post.  We do not doubt that Jared is a loving husband, a masterful pun-nisher, and has a kind heart, but in these trying times we need a judicious leader.  We need philosopher king candidate Nathan Holman to lead us into an era of sound principles.

This thoughtful political analysis was paid for by “A Better Math History and Ethics Class for Tomorrow, Today” Super PAC.